4th Jun, 2020

The Remarkable Mrs Cox Blog - Lockdown Day 6 - The Pop Charts and the Great Cox’s Bake Off

Bromsgrove Editorial 30th Apr, 2020 Updated: 30th Apr, 2020

MRS COX continues her isolation by chatting with her husband Lenny who died 75 years earlier – just at the end of the Second World War.

Lenny. Yow remember how we used to listen to the radio every day during the war for encouraging words from Downing Street? Well it’s pretty much the same thing now every day at foive on the telly yow gets a minister at one podium and scientific chaps on either soide. Honest to gawd some of them look like they’m straight outa school – the politicians that it – the science folks ain’t in white coats which I think they should be if they’m real scientists but am in scruffy old sports jackets – like they’ve been dressed by Oxfam.

If you ask me, it’s created an ‘ol new language n’all this pandemonia business – loike when the politicians ‘r asked a question they says they’m “Followin’ the scientific evidence” that means – they aint got a cowin clue in my opinion!

Then there’s that furlonging – I ask you what kinda word am that? Apparently it means’ payin’ folk to stay at ‘ome . Which of course am the roight and proper thing to do for the working mon. When I say mon I mean woman un all – think I may be rambling a bit, Lenny. I’m a bit mithered today but let me just say – used to be eight furlongs in a mile when I was at school so I don’t ‘old wit this smart arse epeak – causes consternation!

Then there’s these charts – ‘Top of the Pops’ I calls it. Pop being as we understand the word Corona man a course – Any road it shows how many more people’s been hospitalised it un ‘ow many poor souls av lost their lives that day to the pop, So sad Lenny. They’m all somebodies Mum or Dad or Gran or Grandadad or son or daughter and even babbies–pawr babbies who never did no ‘arm to anyone and ain’t hardly had a chance to kop a breath.

After the speeches comes the wors’ bit – the press start on’em like a pack of unleashed hyenas – modern day Lord Haw Haws they am. “Apologise for this” they scream and “Aren’t yow ashamed of that”. This to folks as am doin’ their best and barely gettin’ an ‘our of kip a day. “We’m supposed to be in this together yow morons” I scream at the telly. Meks me sik, Lenny, Sik on it so I am mate.

Enough maudlin’ – goo barmy if yowm not careful – un I may be many things Lenny but barmy taint one in ‘em.

Oh good news – Boris is back – bit breathy and lorst a few pounds which won’t do ‘im no ‘ arm at all. Humbler too – seconds away from bein’ tekin away by the pop man wud ‘ave a profound effect on anyone.

New leader of the labour party too Sir Keir Starmer – he seems a good chap n’all – don’t need no red robbos at the moment – Keir and Boris could be as successful as Morecombe and Wise given a chance I reckon. ‘Ope so.

I know you had no time for politicians of any colour which is why I’ve never voted for noone ever except of course for our son ‘Orace but that wus different cause he was family. Poor mite took years to get selected un win the seat for Selly Oak first goo – then pops ‘is clogs when shekin ‘ands with Neil Kinnock on is first day in the hos! Should of stuck to workin’ in the markets and Brummagem – no good ever cum from a Cox gooin down the smoke.

That’s another thing I thought on – back in the 50s we had the flu and the smog. The flu wus every bit as nasty as the pop in my opinion and the smog was so thick yow couldn’t see or breathe. Someone said over 100,000 folk died in that palaver. Survived – that we did – and survive this we will. Least the yung uns will and so they should. Lots of young Cox’s with lots of dreams to live out.

Speakin’ of the family they’m all inta baking cakes and buns at the moment then they talk to each other on the computers on sommat called Zoom and ‘av mad Cox’s partys drinkin’ tay and chompin cake wid Spanners leadin’ the witticisms

Talkin’ a Spanners – he brung us some rock cakes he’d made iself this mornin’ but to tell yow the truth I nearly bust me jaw bone on ‘em. Give one to Flo downstairs at my request he dun an’ all – ope ‘r don’t crack ‘er dentures

No my Cox’s Bake Off award goos t’ Stephanie’s Olivia – er as is due to bring a new Cox into the world come Joune – not that I’ve tasted ’em, but the pictures of e’r brownies look the business.

Bluebells are out in the back gardin Lenny – beautiful they am – skies um blue too – a bright blue – sort of bonus for no planes and cars about. Weird and wonderful world this world – just gos to show – naire mind save the planet – as that wonderous Attenborough chap says “The planet will allus look after itself” – its us as needs savin’ – in more ways than one.

Night Lenny – love you mate

Click here for more on Wallop Mrs Cox, created by Bromsgrove’s Euan Rose.

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