3rd Jun, 2020

The Remarkable Mrs Cox Blog - Lockdown Day 4 - The Aussies, the Mask maker and the Editor

Bromsgrove Editorial 19th Apr, 2020

Mrs Cox continues her isolation by chatting with her husband Lenny who died 75 years earlier – just at the end of the Second World War.

I think you’ll be proud on me Lenny – two reasons – fust I was sittin’ in me chair at the bedroom windoo as I do of a mornin’ ‘avin a contemplate – when I clocks these kids a yaharing about on the bench across the rowad.

“Oy braindead” I shouts “keep ya cowin’ distances”.

“We’m exercising missis” the one whelp says. “Well exercise yaw common an’ keep apart – better still – bugger orf back indoors afore I call Dixon of Dock Green”

They left wid their tails ‘tween their legs but I did feel loike I was the sourpuss at the knees up – gooin’ around stoppin’ folk from havin’ fun when all they wants is a bitta crack to relieve the tedium. Nippers corn’t be nippers at the mo – t’aint natural.

‘Ere do you remember that New Years Eve when we did that conga down Livery Street? Must ‘av been nigh on a hundred of us arms round the one in front ‘on ya and a woodbine in yer mouth. “aye aye conga aye aye conga, do-do-do ado a conga-do…” Ooh, me back! Quite enough of that.

Where was I? Oh yez this FaceToime malarkey! Just call us ‘Heinstein’ Lenny, yow wouldn’t cop yer breath – I only gorn and mastered it! Got the voice before but now oy got pictures un all. Wondrous stuff – Charlie ‘n Suzettes clan. Yow’ll recall as he and that floosie wench Gloria h’emigrated on that Arcadian ship for a tenner back end of the 50s? Lot of water gorn under the bridge since then – Gloria ditched Charlie for a sheep farmer within weks. I knew it Lenny – tried to tell Charlie but he wouldn’t av’ it – any road Charlie soon found this Aussie wench Suzzette – or rather she found ‘im when he cum to work for ‘er Dad doin’ swimming pool maintenance. Well, she soon realised he wornt cut out for that – only swimming pool Charlie ud ever sen wus at Smethick Baths.

So they started a Cox-style market stall together– only the best produce unpolished to shine. Dun well out onit un all they ud four beautiful kids together – ‘course he’s a sprightly septuagenarian now and so’s ‘is Suzette ‘cept she ‘ent so sprightly on account as ‘er ‘ad a stroke last year.

Any road t’was the first time I’d seen ‘em live – videos yes but this was live. Marvellous this FaceToime thingy Spanners got me. Kids and Grandad kids all wavin’ and sayin’ “Hi Granma Cox!” Suppose I should ‘ave med the effort and gorn really – but never been on a ‘plane. If the good lord ‘ad wanted us ter fly ‘eed gid us wings – said it then, say it now. Call me stubborn, if ya like! Then you allus did. Loike when I wouldn’t give inta dem blinders. Peaky ‘bugger ended up wid one ear after I Vincent Van Gough’ed ‘im that day back in ’29. Taught them blinders not to mess wi’ the Coxes.

Any road, as I was sayin’ (got distracted – me age an’ I’m allowed) Charlie’s gotta lovely ‘owse on the beach in place called Newcastle somewhere north of Sydney, a coal-mining town jus’ like our Newcastle yus to be. They all look looked normal – not like convicts at all. We’ll be Facetsittin’ every Friday now – night-toime for them, morning ‘ere. Not as it makes much difference ‘ter me.

Ooooh update on Boris – he’s beaten the pop Lenny, wi’ the ‘elp of them wonderful NHS frontliners. Out of isolation and back on the ward. Brung a tear it did – reason to be cheerful as Doreen’s eldest Josie’s always sayin’.

“What’s your reason to be cheerful today gran-grans?” “Dunno pet” I says – mebbe because I saw Yer Uncle Charlie on Facething this mornin – what’s yorn?”

“Well there’s cowslips and forget-me-nots growin’ where the council ain’t bin cutting’ the grass, it am so good for the bees ‘un the butterflys – like nature tellin’ us to be thankful” ‘er says.

“All things bright ‘un beautiful” I says. “Used to sing that with my mother – I’ll be smiling all day rememberin’ that – thank you Josie, pet”

“S’alroigh’ gran-gran”

Honestly Lenny, she’s so much like Doreen her Mum – bit of a dreamer but hardest worker on the pitch as I recall. Josie’s a grafter too. Since she cor work at ‘er normal job – due to it bein’ furlonged or whatever they call it – ‘er set to work makin’ face masks for all the folk in ‘er road and beyond.

No point in me ‘avin one though as I cor go out for three months. Mebbe selfish but breks me up a bit that I cor goo shoppin’ for meself since the pop – then again folk standin’ in line with their trolleys for an hour wearing masks ‘ent my idea of fun neither.

Mind yow that’s become a bit on a farce – folks out foraging from the crack a dawn waitin’ for supermarkets to open. I’m sure they’re just hoardin’.

That’s the bit that t’aint like the war at all Lenny – there we daint have much so we med do – now they have too much! Them’s all becoming lardy pants through stayin’ in and scoffin’ nine meals a cowin’ day – I kid you not mate.

I sen pictures of the queues outside Morrisons and ASDA on the Bromsgrove Standard website – Spanners showed me how to computer it afore the lock in. Local news and a break from all the gloom and doom on telly. That bloke with the poncey name runs it – Tinkerbell or sommat – Tinkerbell ‘Arris I think. Nice chap despite ‘is name – “I’m very committed to the community” he says when he cums round to see us when I was one hundred and one.

Brought me a bag of doughnuts – which he proceeded to eat ‘iself.

“What’s the secret of you longevity Mrs Cox?” he asked me

“Well I rub parsley seeds in me ‘air to stop it fallin out and gargle every day with elderflower and vinegar” I told ‘im!

Night Lenny – another day dun mate, another day nearer the new D-Day – deliverance from the Pop.

Click here for more on Wallop Mrs Cox, created by Bromsgrove’s Euan Rose.

Public Notices

View and download all of the public notices in the Bromsgrove Standard

Business Directory

From plumbers, to restaurants, we can provide you with all the info you need

Property Finder 24/7

Search for properties in Worcestershire, Warwickshire and the West Midlands

Reader Travel

Check out all of the latest reader travel offers to get your hands on some free gifts